When "Plan A" Doesn't Work

Don't ignore the reality. Don't suppress the failure or the need to grieve. 

Get the words out. Please. As I've said before, do this in safe ways, with safe people. If you're going to blog, blog. If you're going to post, post. But don't be naive around it. Protect your wellbeing and personal safety always (learn about that lesson in my blog post, Doors Are Everywhere, by clicking this sentence). The point here is to have your trauma witnessed, so that it stops ruling your life, infringing on your autonomy. The biggest price you’re paying for not healing your trauma isn’t lost time and opportunities, it’s this: a lost sense of self; a lost identity; a loss of life.

So much of what makes life, life though, is that we can have our intentions, hearts and souls set on something; we'll make all these plans, and for one factor out of the thousand involved, we'll find ourselves facing failure. It's like putting an entire jigsaw puzzle together to realize there is one missing piece. You still have the image, you can envision the piece that's missing -- but it's still not whole; not fully known. And that's what we're all after, right? To be whole and fully known. 

Newsflash. You will not ever be whole or fully known if you're trying to fill a void in your soul by coping with substance, work, achievement, relationships, or your image. And maintaining wholeness comes through the ability to allow yourself to let go, evolve and adapt to the new, in life. If you're suppressing something that never received the care, nurturing or grieving that it needs, you are tripping over your own foot. 

Last summer, I launched The Strawberry Initiative, a campaign to transform how we respond to trauma in this world -- particularly, in the United States. Too often, citizens are criminalized for survival. Too often, citizens are murdered because of a power-control dynamic. Too often citizens are murdered, period. Outside of the criminal justice realm -- too often, the family member that was abused or misused is isolated and "cast out" from the family. Too often, the employee that does their best, is scrutinized, harassed, and often forced to resign, just because they trigger an insecurity for their manager. This isn't right -- and we can do better. 

I want you to sit with that sentence, though, "too often citizens are murdered..." Really, sit with it. 

Why is that a reality we all know? Why, do we continue to allow it? Why is this reality the case, when we could be doing something different? When we could be living in a different country, a different world? I don't mean physically getting up and moving, I mean living in a world that refuses to take advantage of vulnerability, and instead prioritizes protecting it. 

While we could try and figure out “why” forever and a day — that "why" is hardly anything important to focus on though. The why that asks for understanding for immovable truths and laws of the universe. Those things won’t ever change. Spending your time and energy thinking about them in short, is a waste of time. The better “why” to focus on, is the why that moves you forward in life. The why around your “do”. The why around your “be”. But what does this "why" have to do with your Plan A not working? Let's look into it.

When your "Plan A" doesn't work, you know what's actually going on? You're right in-line with the word of God. Here's why on that : Adam was the first Christ. Noah helped God blot-out the earth to start humanity over. Jerusalem’s walls had to be rebuilt. Jesus dying on the cross was "Plan B". God already has your back when your Plan A falls apart — He wrote that reality of life it into the manual for it. 

So then, this transforms the understanding around “be perfect like your Father is perfect”. It annihilates perfectionism in your life, should you follow the word of God in its entirety. This means, that when your Plan A doesn’t work, accept it. Then strive for excellence in your Plan B, the second try. Third, if you need it. The something else that works better. The mold that you were designed for, that you weren’t automatically given in your place of birth, your family of origin, or your systemic default. The journey in finding that place so that you can flourish is worth it. 

 What this doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean to operate in a “it is what it is” mentality. This doesn’t mean to abandon everything you know, and swing from extreme to extreme. You don’t need to throw yourself around from one new thing to the next. What it means is to have respect for all aspects of life. What it means is to hold reverence for all levels of the journey. The only requirement to do that.. accept that there is a season for every thing. The droughts, the storms, the floods, the lightning strikes, especially, are the seasons and conditions you can’t afford to “skip”. So stopping ignoring the fact that your home was taken out by a great wave and you lost everything. Look at it instead, for the time that it needs to be held and grieved, then move on to Plan B.

Cause here's the thing, there's no commandment that says: "thou shalt remain stuck". That command doesn't exist in the word of God.

"I am stuck" isn't in God's vocabulary, so why is the phrase coming out of your mouth? You get a free pass for expression. A second to acknowledge and accept the truth that you need to problem solve. But a third time sets a trend. 

Speak wisely.

-B