Doors Are Everywhere

I don't mean The Doors - as in the band (great music!). I mean doors of opportunity, or, windows, like most people say. But who wants to climb through a window, when you could walk through a door? Cause sometimes, a window can look like the right door for you to "knock" on but in the long run, it caused you more work than just waiting a little while longer for the right door..

I knocked on a door of opportunity, at a brand new complex with a rock thrown at the second story window in summer of 2023. I was determined to move house because I was isolated in the last place I was living and on top of that, the building structure I was in was hot, cramped and noisy between floors. 

So -- since there was a rock thrown at a brand new building, it was a perfect opportunity to negotiate my way into a dream unit -- or so I thought. While most inquirers turned their heads at the possibility of danger from a random act of violence -- I jumped on the opportunity. And while I don't know for certain that a rock was actually thrown at the window, you can look at the obvious: a contractor mistake would have taped it off right away. But the neighborhood wasn't unsafe, it was gentrified. In the long run though, for me, it ended up being unsafe to live there. Partially because of my naivety, but mainly because of a group of strange men who found me online and started to stalk and threaten me and my life. I had to flee from home multiple times and ultimately moved after they broke-in. 

Looking back at this entire experience, from move-in to move-out, what I realized is this:

You can’t control random acts of violence or other people's actions. But you can control your proximity to them by exercising your own boundaries. In a lot of ways, that "opportunity" I walked into, taught me everything I needed to know about setting my own boundaries. 

I also realized, your words are powerful. I was able to negotiate into this building despite struggling financially -- the building coordinator saw me. But also, while I was there I started this blog (past posts taken down) -- and with that blog apparently, pissed off that group of men, leading to my being stalked by them. I still don't know to this day who they were and what their ultimate intent was, but given they broke into my home and left an intentional ink-finger-print on the off-switch for my hallway light? I think it's pretty clear. 

So while I say get vocal -- be smart. When I started that blog, it'd been only 4 months since uncovering my 15-year suppressed memory, and another month since being trafficked in September 2023. Where I was at the time of starting my blog then, was in the midst of an adrenaline rush. Uncovering the memory you feel relieved and invincible. I also knew something had happened the month prior, but -- I got myself out of the situation as quickly as possible, finding a safe haven for the remainder of my trip, carried on with my plans, and ultimately made it home safely to Camille (my former cat -- RIP sweet boy). The point is, you may feel triumphant which is awesome -- but this feeling of accomplishment can easily diminish your awareness of your need for protection. 

And that's the whole point of this blog post: the right doors will protect you. Since doors of opportunity are literally everywhere... if you are not focused on protecting yourself, if you do not value your wellbeing and safety, you'll involuntarily leave doors open to others to take advantage of you. Cause here's the thing: you don't have to live through every type of human experience in order to finally be "eligible" or "worthy" of living the life you want to live. The difference between actual harm actually taking place is your ability to listen to your gut and intuition, and act accordingly. Your instincts for survival are never wrong. Even in the context of C-PTSD with associative triggers, your amygdala firing is just your body saying, "I need attention, help me calm down." Each time you overcome a trigger, you diminish the severity of your C-PTSD and its ability to call all the shots in your life. 

You can create a life of flexibility + flow without complete disconnection from others. You can live life on your terms doing what you want to do, just because it's what you want. Boundaries start in the mind -- having the mindset that "anything goes" quite literally translates to anything going in your life. Instead of ease, you get a tumultuous life experience. Look at it like this, you're essentially allowing yourself to be an item tossed in the waves of life, when you say "I don't mind," or, "it doesn't really matter," or, "I don't care." 

So here's the deal. I know that I'm not the only one on this planet who had the boundaries of her mind, or her human rights violated during her developmental years. I know that boundaries are a foreign concept for several of my readers and followers. If they are foreign to you, think of your boundaries like the definition around objects: a guitar, a chair, a shelf, a door. They can look different in appearance, shape, color and size, but ultimately if the function is not there -- a guitar plays sound, a chair is stable to hold weight, likewise a shelf, a door opens AND closes, locks and unlocks. All boundaries do is create an outline of your life. They determine how you function, and how your life flows. They define your life. It's up to you to define what that looks like. 

When it comes to the voice then, your voice is the activator for these boundaries. When you say, "anything goes" that is defining your life to quite literally, anything. Desirable or not. And while you can say, "I want to do this thing or to attain that goal" undesirable things can still happen, but the difference here is your function with the boundary and your overall general flow of life. Because instead of walking through any door that comes your way, or leaving open doors for others to take advantage of you, you are walking through the doors you want to walk through. And you always get to choose whether or not you will walk through them. 

-B

U.S. Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

National Human Trafficking Hotline: 1-888-373-7888