The Cost of Religious Trauma (And Scapegoating)

A few years ago, God pumped cool air into my apartment to drive out a demonic invasion. By pumping this air into my apartment, where the temperature was uncontrollable and dropped and held at 65 degrees, I wasn't cold, just calm. Following the air that was pumped in to filter out the evil spirits -- He sent a flood to wash them away from the area. I woke up to buckets of rain that continued throughout the whole next day, where there'd been no previous forecast. 

Metaphysics. 

We're connected to God because we are made in His image and filled with His spirit, more so, when we draw near to Him. When we feel safe to draw near to Him. I have a theory that the oxygen we breathe is the Holy Spirit itself. Because what do you think "in His image" looks like, if it's not mirrored in the physical realm itself? The world He created. Just like we're mostly made of water, the Earth is primarily water. Just like the oxygen thins in our atmosphere the higher the altitude we climb, the less oxygen our brains get when we look externally too much and our minds take a journey into the stratosphere of the void, in attempts to prove things to ourselves for ego-boosts. Just like we feel grounded when we walk barefoot in the grass, or spend a day in nature, likewise we are grounded when we spend a day with God in His word, in prayer and in worship. 

When you keep moving and keep your feet on the ground, you are doing what's considered: "Job One". This is what religious trauma attacks, sabotages and manipulates -- Job One -- taking care of yourself. Religious trauma convinces you that you are not your own and therefore you're incapable of taking action for yourself. It claims that you are not the manager of your own Job One. That yes, God gave man the authority over himself and the earth, but He didn't give you authority. You're the exception. This is entirely, and utterly false. Anything that convinces you that you are exempt from taking care of your own human condition, is a lie. Where the devil is a lie. 

So when it comes to the air that was pumped in my apartment and the rains that followed -- I needed clean oxygen. I needed to be doused in the Holy Spirit. Something to note about Oxygen, it's a component of water. Because the air was being pumped in to my dwelling, I was absorbing it into my body -- into my cells. Case in point: when I called on God and spoke with authority using the name of Jesus to cast out the darkness that had intruded, God came in clutch. But I had to be the one to call. I had to be the one to discern and choose for myself, "Yea -- what I'm experiencing...? My uncle and cousin are right. Time for them to go!" 

Failure. 

I just had to admit that I was wrong, and the chaos didn't just recede, it was driven out. 

I just had to admit that I was wrong, and the chaos wasn't just removed, but I received angelic healing. (Cause for real fam, if you ingested/absorbed a demon, you need the premium spiritual recovery package. If you're wondering what that's like -- if you could feel sparkles, it was like that. Or pop-rocks candy ingested into your spirit.)

So that it could all change, I just had to admit that I was wrong. 

I just had to admit --

So let's get to the cost of religious trauma and scapegoating. 

When you're scapegoated, you don't have a fully developed sense of personal ownership. You'll get a sense of accomplishment from doing things, from working. But real personal ownership doesn't come from just submitting blindly to work so that you can meet others' expectations. Real personal ownership comes from the ability to say "no". It comes from the ability to use reason and logic to make sound decisions for oneself. When you're scapegoated, you're essentially "stuffed" -- like a build-a-bear with someone else's life experience. What you're left with is a person who looks perfect on the outside, but hasn't formed a solid identity from within. Since the individual was treated as such, they don't have the skillsets to act from the self. The cost is losing out on an entire human. Scapegoating is identity theft of the soul.

Religious trauma then, threaten's a person's lifeline -- connection with God and being filled with The Holy Spirit. Instead of openness and the freedom to feel safe drawing near to God, the association and dynamic of connection to God is a feeling of dying; when the trauma is not processed and healed. And if you want to track with me on the theory of oxygen being God's own breath to sustain us -- when you're anxious and dissociating, you ain't breathing that well. If your lifeline is perceived as a threat, how will you survive?

One turn out, a least favorable one is: slowly, your spirit will become crippled, boundaries will weaken and you'll end up with a demonic invasion on your hands that could quite easily take your life. Don't be fooled, darkness is capable of inducing sleep paralysis and sparking an electrical fire. 

The better turn out? It comes from admitting you were wrong. Wrong about your identity as a scapegoated kid. Wrong about your reputation with yourself that "everything is fine" when everything was falling to pieces. Wrong about the lie that God chose you to suffer as "an example". While God doesn't waste a thing, He will never ask you to sacrifice your humanity, your Job One. He won't even ask you to trade one need for another. He won't fail, when you decide to make the call to let Him know you've had enough.

And while I know for those reading this who are sitting there, potentially spiraling and overthinking -- all you really need to do is this one thing, which may be the hardest: trust your gut. Stop doubting the evidence that's in front of you. Job One.

-B