Stop Worshipping Your Mind

A toxic habit I've struggled with is being the queen of talking myself out of doing something that is actually GOOD for me, or even something I want. It’s a defense mechanism through a mask to prove that I’m “more humble”. Or, “I don’t need it.” That I can "do it on my own". Problem is, I’ve actually done this with basic needs. If you ever catch me doing it, I invite you, IMPLORE YOU to call me out on it. Because really what it is, is sadistic people pleasing. Yes — sadistic. And not just that, but self-worship of my own mind. Not only that, it's a pathway to neutrality, and that area of life isn't just bland and boring, it's not safe, and outside of a life of communion with God (Rev. 3)

Before you throw water on me (it’s meeeee!), here’s the deal — being scapegoated to a covert narcissistic parent who on and off had suicidal ideation over the years of your upbringing sways your mind into mirrored cognitive habits. Before you freak out — a narcissist would never out themselves like this, and those mirrored cognitive habits don't mean I'm suicidal. I've never been suicidal. I hate suicide. Writing on the blank page of my blog about this is intentional. It keeps my own self accountable as well as invites light into the space around C-PTSD that happens from narcissistic abuse and the necessity of community; eyes on your story, to overcome that abuse and trauma. You put a floodlight on darkness -- the darkness vanishes instantaneously. 

Here’s the deal, of anything in life. The bottom line to any partnership, relationship, business agreement, anything is this: if that pursuit is not done as an act of living a life of worship, in pursuit of God's work in the world, it’s worshipping something else. Any pursuit that is done to worship your own self, your image, your mind, over God is an idol. Which is why, I’ll never shut up about getting out of the trap from psychological abuse that was done to a developing mind. I’ll never shut up for the sake of other recovering scapegoats. I’ll never shut up about Matthew 18:6. The trap, the lie being this: be 100% self-sufficient; never rely or share anything with anyone; never let anyone see your weaknesses or vulnerability; “you’re not your own” — manipulated. In short, trick people. Trick people into believing you’re perfect, can solve any problem and therefore, not human. Trick yourself into betraying yourself for the rest of your life. That’s the devil’s work. You can't solve the problem of the need to have evil in your life witnessed. You need others for that. 

There is no bigger trap to fall into than this. A mind that believes their opinions and thoughts alone are enough to sustain them leads to death. Job 5:2 reads, "Surely vexation kills the fool, and jealousy slays the simple." Since the book of Job is a story about an upright, blameless man who lost nearly everything just for the sake of Satan's attempts to prove God wrong -- every person who has been innocently attacked, abused or manipulated, can relate to this. While God allowed these things to happen to Job, God was with Job -- He believed in Job and knew He would not curse him because of the loss. In that, Job was a man who kept his sense, despite his misery.

Job was a man who accepted that irregardless of his pain and agony because of his loss, God remained. God remained, therefore cursing God would be the most foolish thing Job could do. Job did not allow his mind to be vexed. He grieved his losses fully so that he would not lose his mind. The entire book of Job is an example of what to do when you are in deep misery and have grief -- connect with others. Let the darkness be washed away. Without doing this, God would never have been able to restore his losses. Your redemption is not just on God. It is God, and -- your actions to remain within his plan, protection and blessings for your life. Your decision to remain with Him. 

 Now you might not believe in God, or think God is evil. You might be someone with severe religious trauma (same here fam) that doesn't see a way to connect with God because it's too triggering to draw near to Him. You might be someone who doesn't know the lines between your free will to act and God's instruction or direction in your life. To that, I'll say this: God is a God of peace. If you don't have peace, you are dealing with something else. 

Peace doesn't mean doing nothing or remaining in neutral. Peace means you have a steady heartbeat, steady breathing, and the willingness to let go of the things you cannot control. It means you are balanced and grounded. It means you allow positive growth in your life. You are smart, intelligent, and brilliant by default -- incessant psychoanalysis and weeding through the semantics to prove points and "win" will never bring you peace. It might bring you understanding, but at the cost of a lot of toil, a lot of years lost to those habits. It might bring you understanding, but peace comes from accepting where you were failed, where you have failed, and that failure, when you learned something the wrong way, is an opportunity to reverse the narrative and step into eternal life. That's not contingent on physical death, eternal life is had while we are on the earth. It is Emmanuel -- God with us. And you know what God doesn't do? He doesn't worship our minds. Our minds, as apart of our bodies, are a part of the temple we are called to continually sanctify. Free of chaos, clutter, and disorder. God calls us to use our minds in collaboration with him and for creating good -- this is where your words have power to create your life and impact the lives of others. We are made in His image, and God said, "Let there be..." (Genesis 1:31) There is no verse in scripture that ever says or indicates, "Let there, in the mind of man, be where man finds his peace". You will not find peace, life or abundance through the worship of your mind. To believe this is to believe a lie from the devil. 

Stop doing it. Get out of neutral. Draw near to what is good.

What is good for you will bring you peace. 

-B