Let Your Yes Be Yes

The worst place to be? In the in between. And yet, some of us were designed and built to thrive there. Those of us who thrive here are hated for it, questioned and scrutinized, because what’s worldly requires having enemies. What’s worldly requires you to hate those that are different than you. What’s worldly says, “pick a side, you can’t have both.” But we are called to be like and follow Christ, the GOAT of existing in the in between. That being said, life is a continuum of experiences, seasons, events and processes. In order to experience things fully, in order to move on from one season or the next, in order to allow a process to fully pan out, you must be detail-oriented and grounded in your boundaries. You must be able to say “yes” or “no” with confidence. 

A great example of this is looking at Dart, the demodog that was raised by Dustin in Stranger Things. The same demodog that had an inherently horrific and evil nature, to destroy any human life that crossed its path. But Dart was picked up by Dustin, the bridge-builder between two worlds. In the presence of Dustin, Dart abandoned its own inherently evil nature, to allow life to continue. What made this possible? Dustin’s curiosity and the belief that Dart was capable of good, and that his time and energy spent raising that demodog would not result in harm to himself — it was a firm yes, and no, from the inception of their connection. Likewise, Dart being raised by this nature, had a firm boundary instilled, “I cannot harm the one who has been good to me.” (Or those that are like him). It all comes down to the line you draw. What you say will be. While raising a demodog is acutely more risky than sending “I see you’s” to your fellow human being — the case in point is the same. With care and nurture, we are capable of changing our ways — if you say so and if the adjustment solidifies. 

This is important because of the state of Jerusalem in the Old Testament, particularly in the book of Nehemiah, and the province Beyond the River. Going back to my first post, “It’s in The Name”, Beyond the River was a place in the Old Testament that was given a name which was literal to what it was. It was a place beyond the river, therefore it was called that. You can’t argue with it. Why this matters — Jerusalem’s gates were burned. The city’s containment and sense of boundaries were damaged. What this meant in the eyes of others was, Jerusalem couldn’t be taken seriously. As Nehemiah spoke, “Come, let us build the wall of Jerusalem, that we may no longer suffer derision.” 

When it comes to leadership, power, vulnerability and abuse — one has more self-agency, autonomy and personal power when their “gates” aren’t burned. Considering what those gates are, when you apply this to the psyche-world, those “gates” would be boundaries within the mind, the strength of one’s basal ganglia, amygdala and prefrontal lobes. One’s ability to respond with a firm yes or no. When those gates have been burned due to negligence of a system of operating, the system needs a shift. Cause let’s say someone’s gates have been burned, leading to less personal power, autonomy and strength. Why are we, as humans responding with, “you need better boundaries” when attacks from the enemy will always be strategically random. When the boundaries themselves were attacked? Jesus was a carpenter; teacher and fisherman — and he was murdered for doing the work of Dustin, and Dustin’s work saved the life of him and his friends. 

The problem isn’t “what’s the right yes or the right no” — the problem is the narrow-mindedness given towards what is possible, but forgetting to enforce boundaries (firm yeses and nos) along the way so that you don’t lose your own sanity. The problem is the lack of respect given when someone says yes, or no, and forcing your way past a boundary. So if you are bored, there’s two ways you can allow your boredom to play out. 

1. Be reactive. You criticize, scrutinize, attack others and force your way past their boundaries. Limit what’s possible. 

2. Be initiative. You help “Jerusalem” rebuild its boundaries. You help a demodog abandon its inherent nature, and adapt to a new way of life. Apply yourself to something greater than yourself.

And if you’re someone like Dustin and myself, created for the in-between, transformative work in this world, know this: your proximity to what much of the world doesn’t want to spend time on has a purpose. It cannot destroy you. It will carve out the way for your life when you take full ownership and stand on that truth. Just make sure you are on the west side of the bridge, rooted in firm boundaries. Stand firm outside of the chaos — you don’t need to saturate yourself in it. You won’t progress that way. Dustin would not have stood a chance had he of voluntarily gone into the upside down to find Dart…

In other words, your purpose won’t play out if you keep trying to force or withhold results. 

-B

Also — 

Filter your water, and drink wine.

I’m not talking about water. And I’m not talking about wine.

Likewise, this entire post is about repairing the brain’s and mind’s of survivors of abuse. It’s about painting a picture of what’s possible when we take the time of day to care for it. Calm down.