Invitations Over Ultimatums

I’m finding a different hum instead. A different rhythm. And right as I sat down to start writing this post, thinking about what I’d name it, I saw a humming bird out of the corner of my eye perch on a tree outside.

If you don’t know about hummingbirds, here’s some fun facts: 

-They flap their wings at an average 50 flaps per second

-The quick flapping of their wings is what creates a humming sound, giving them their name and nickname known as “hummers”

-Their brains makes up 4.2% of their body weight

-They love sugar and will feed on up to 1000 flowers per day/the equivalent from a feeder

-They prefer natural nectar over feeders

-They have incredible memories, remembering every flower+feeder they’ve visited and even the time it takes for a flower to replenish it’s nectar

-They sleep in a form known as “torper” a deep sleep similar to hibernation where it takes them 20-60 minutes to wake up from

-They are attracted to the color red but this doesn’t deter them from other colored flowers or feeders

I‘ve found a lot of similarities and parallels with hummingbirds — especially when it comes to the hum and the flapping of their wings. For several years (a lot of years) I was sprinting through life — flower to flower, feeder to feeder — to try and figure life out. To prove my worth, to people-please and make everyone else happy. I was conditioned to put myself last. I exhausted myself time and time again because instead of living out of respect for myself, I was looking for answers, trying to prove to others that I had worth + value. And while we may want an answer to something, a hyper-fixation so strong that it holds you back from living your life? That’s just not good. That’s living in a state of force. It’s not natural. And in living this way, this becomes your “hum”. Probably a bit disgruntled, an inconsistent and harsh kind of "hum". An irritably obnoxious one because so much is going on in the background of your mind. 

Here’s the thing about humming naturally through (when it comes to humans) — when you hum, you begin to regulate your body because humming activates your parasympathetic nervous system. This is the system that slows your heart, dilates blood vessels, increases digestive juices and relaxes muscles in the digestive track. And your gut is your “second brain” — it’s the organ that does the heavy-lifting to release toxicity in your body+mind. When you hum then, you improve your body’s ability to let go of what is no longer serving you — especially any of that subconscious radio-silence that could be going on in the background. 

Humming also relieves tension in your throat chakra, which is your chakra that relies on communication for balance. Feel like you can’t speak, can’t get the words out? Can’t breathe? Hum. Lean into your body’s instinct to regulate your system and relieve yourself of the pressure. Your body is asking you to communicate about the tension that’s built up in your throat. If you’d like a walk-through on best humming practice for regulation, you can purchase The Happy Hummer, my 3-part meditation guide. Humming is the most basic and accessible practice, using the tool built inside your body, to regulate, communicate and navigate in life, that is -- your voice. 

I’m in the mix of folks who were given an unjust hand in life. Not everything was bad, but childhood trauma starting as young as 7, with a first major event at 9 -- it's no small feat to overcome when this happens to a developing mind. I know how easy it is for these experiences to inevitably hold you back because of the neurological wiring going on, because of the suppression of your voice in those past moments of trauma and disappointment. And if you're like me where your mind was abused in your developmental years, you inevitably end up dealing with what I consider a black hole in the mind. That black hole makes it available for clutter to seep in to distract you, discourage you, and ultimately, hold you back. It's only available though, until you heal the black hole. If that sounds impossible, it's not. It's actually really easy when you get into an engineer mindset for your life. I had a 15-year old traumatic suppressed memory that was not only acting as that "black hole" in my life, but worked as an oversight for other ones prior to that traumatic event. I knew something was wrong, and that something caused the dysfunction I was seeing in my life.  There was my invitation for growth. I could improve my life, if I just paid attention to the details. And that's exactly what I did, I found the details so I could release them from my life. All I did was coach myself. Me in a room full of mirrors, recording voice memos day in and day out, while I paid attention to what I was saying, so that I could move my life forward. 

Instead of jumping to ultimatums that something was wrong with me, I looked at the overall facts. I knew myself. I knew my character. I knew my drive for excellence and beauty. I knew my work ethic. I knew my care in the attention to detail in the things I did. And because of that, with regard to the dysfunction that I was seeing in my life, I realized there were some details missing from my life story, causing me to either sabotage my progress or my soul to "bleed-out," wherever I went. The issue was never me, it was a missing memory, suppressed because it was traumatizing. The issue was this: something happened to me, and -- And I didn't get what I needed. I didn't speak up or I wasn't validated when I did. Somewhere within all this, that's how it got suppressed, where this suppressed memory caused me to overlook everything else in my life. 

Likewise, instead of jumping to ultimatums that something is wrong with you, you can shift your focus. With a bird's eye view, pragmatically, get into your engineer mind. From this mindset, you can see that any pain, any chaos or disorder in your life is an invitation, calling for your attention. I wanted to free myself from the trap of circular thinking that my mind was stuck in, so instead of jumping to the ultimatum that I was the problem, I accepted the invitation that was speaking up saying, "you're amazing - this doesn't add up. So let's figure this out."

There is nothing wrong with you for wanting to avoid dealing with any of your painful experiences. Your mind works to protect you, and healing is painful work. In avoiding it though, you further strengthen the wiring in your system to disregard significant events where your needs were not met, where you may have been neglected or abused. The longer you avoid shifting your focus to care for them, the more you diminish getting your needs met. The pain points, the nexus points if you will -- are all invitations for you to not only care for yourself, but to fall in love with yourself. To love so deeply that you will never worry again, whether or not you are enough. You're here. That makes you enough. That makes you worthy. And I know, you have a big heart if you're reading this. So ask your heart what it wants to say. 

You are here. 

Accept the invitation to find and live your life by your natural hum. 

-B

National Suicide & Crisis Hotline: 988