I Decided to Join The Cloud

Hebrews 12:1 reads, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

I love this verse, so much that I got the reference tattooed on my body. And to be quite frank about it, I think the tattoos I have that are scripture or allude to stories in the Bible actually worked to protect me during my years in the “wilderness” on a solo journey. That’s because, I’m a big believer in the concept of: the dynamic you have with someone/something is the foundation of that connection. In short: it is what it is. 

I’m also a big believer in metaphysics and investing in energy. When you initiate or proclaim something, invest in the energy of something, even in the form of a tattoo on your body, you embody whatever the “what” is about that thing. Here's the deal though, we can’t heal in the space where we endured trauma or abuse. When it comes to religious trauma then, what often many people will judge and gossip about someone “leaving the faith” is actually something called emotional intelligence and can even be an act of protecting what faith and connection to God you do still have. If you’re someone who’s experienced religious trauma reading this, don’t be fooled: you can still walk a life of faith regardless of how it looks to others when you create a separation in order to heal. God will and does always meet you where you’re at. And that’s just it: He wants you to be safe, protected, and whole. It’s up for you to get there, so don't be surprised when you eventually find yourself back in a space of believers on the regular. 

Getting there looks different for all of us. So whether you believe in the Bible or not, this verse infers a few truths about living a good life and getting to that sweet spot of fulfilled living. Regardless of your beliefs, we can look at the message and language being spoken, saying: 

1. We cannot do everything on our own (plural language)

2. We can accomplish great things and more, while in community with others (run, over walk, great cloud, not just a cloud)

3. Community should equate to inclusion, health and equity

4. Releasing and letting go is met with gumption — “throw off every weight” (get that sh*t off of you/out of you!)

5. Sin (turning away from God) + any weight, is easier to overturn in connection with others — which then infers, judging or shaming one another for the sins we struggle with is sin in itself. 

What does this mean then, when someone is isolated in a trauma or act of abuse? It means this scripture is our guiding light for individual and public health. Facing someone who was forced to bear guilt and shame, where as humans, our knee-jerk reactions to dealing with this stuff is to reject and dismiss, we must look to this scripture. As many folks are quick to override the will of God for their judgement and reasoning, religious included, this rejection of those trying to manage and handle their trauma leads to dysfunction in community. It creates division. It means also, that many are missing the point about trauma and trauma recovery. Which is, it must be witnessed by a cloud (community). Only then can we throw off the weight in the first place. It’s not, let the individual throw off the weight by themselves and then rejoin society. It’s: witness in community first, to then overthrow the weight together. 

Here’s why about that, we live in a world that says, “Your problems are your problems, you are responsible to deal with them on your own.” Especially with trauma then, and those of us who have experienced isolated/targeted traumas of abuse -- when the response to these individuals is to isolate them from society because of the knee-jerk reaction to turn a blind eye, all this does is create division and spiritual asphyxiation. Turning a blind eye to trauma goes against The Word. Not only in Hebrews, but in the death of Christ. He died on a hilltop, exposed for any and all to witness. Man murdered God. I'm not sure there is a greater trauma for humanity than that. Which means the death of Christ is our metaphysical example, if you will, for healing any and all trauma. It is a collective effort to bear witness and expose the work of darkness to light. 

Joining the cloud then, or rejoining, is no small thing when you were previously abused, had your trauma dismissed and had to carry the weight for years or decades, alone. And the best way to teach is by example. When congregations, religious organizations, and other "followers" do not make it known that it is safe for trauma-survivors to be witnessed, the survivor will continue to keep their trauma hidden and they may continue to isolate.

Why this matters? Because if Christ lived the worst trauma known to man, then why do you think trauma happens to people in the first place? 

Just something to consider. If you ask me: trauma is an attack on God's anointed. Even genetic disorders -- anything that results as a manipulation of God's work -- it's an attack on life. Because trauma is so strong, and unresolved trauma works as a cancer, it's not just happenstance, it's the work of satan to create an obstruction from the love of God, and division among people. Since we do mirror one another and it is easy to project your trauma onto others, it is too easy then, for the cancer to multiply. See the importance of being conscious enough to minimize the growth of this "cancer" and uncover suppressed traumatic memories which cloud our vision from seeing anything but God? I sure hope so. 

If you are someone healing your religious trauma, the key is to create space, but stay connected. Keep a live-wire for communication intact, find a way to connect with God while you take space from regular community. It was never God who caused your trauma. While He allowed it, God doesn't attack life, He creates it. This should be your primary concern while healing, keep creating life. 

Space looks like a break. Like time apart from your vocation or your partner or friends, while you take the time to focus on your pain, with a communication wire still intact. This is all it should be: a pause. It is critical to understand this. A pause to process pain and grief does not have to mean the ending of something. The ending of something should be determined solely off of the good it adds to your life and the world… or the lack thereof. And also with the good, maybe some more things like joy, happiness, safety, optimism, grace, belonging, peace — whatever you think should be present in whatever endeavor you are involved in, in this life. 

But just because we may be alone when processing our pain, this does not mean we are ending something. Speaking from experience, within the relationships I have, in where some form of communication was expressed: “I am in pain, I need to be left alone with it for awhile, but I’m not going anywhere”; these are actually the most secure relationships. Are they always the best relationships? Relationships with secure attachment? Not always. You can actually have a secure attachment style to someone that is codependent with you, someone who’s narcissistic. The point of the matter is though, when you can communicate this in some form, without burning a bridge or blowing up your life, you are doing three things:

1. You are embracing your humanity — (good job)

2. You are allowing others to do the same — (thank you)

3. You are prioritizing peace, where this is ultimately a form of worship to God -- Jesus is The Prince of Peace. 

And these are the people who are in “The Cloud”, as I like to call it. Regardless of whether or not you identify as Christian; Muslim; Jewish; Buddhist; Hindu; etc. All of these religions, or irreligions, can connect and be In The Cloud together, by answering one simple question. That is: Are you good? Because life was created and it was named "good". Humans were created, and they were called "good" and in the likeness of God. To be in the likeness of God then is to create life. Cause most likely, if you are in The Cloud, you're striving toward nearness with God. 

“The Cloud” though really, is for any person who chooses the highest version of themselves and lives that out when an unexpected weight comes over them. The Cloud is for any person who sees that you can choose where your life goes despite your circumstances. For any person who accepts that they can respond indifferent to the way they were wrongly treated. When that unexpected weight comes, get vocal -- make it known. So that we can throw off the weight before it pulls you down and out of The Cloud.  

So The Cloud is for anyone who wants to turn inward, let go, and float (in a good way - think like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). For anyone who acknowledges they will make known their "weight" and likewise witness the weight of others. You could be: Australian, European, Asian, Middle Eastern, Indian, African. You could also be: Christian, Buddhist, Jewish, Hindi, or Islamic.

Regardless, the precedent stays the same:

Are you someone that believes in the inherent good of others, giving the benefit of the doubt, who lives by means of an open heart, which you equally protect? 

This is what it means to be in The Cloud. Because while you are floating, something can happen to you that is meant to harm you, blame you, dissuade you, kill you even— but you don’t allow it to determine your path. And while you keep yourself afloat like this, you will see anyone else on the borderline of entering the cloud.. you will see anyone else on the ground crying out for help in how to get there. 

The thing that keeps you down and out? Your pain. When you decide you don't want your pain to determine your limits, your pain is actually what will lead you to what is meant for you. But to connect with it. To be around it? You have to turn inward, face the wave, let it go, so that you can remain light, in the cloud. Throw off the weight.

This may mean broadcasting who you are, until the right people will hear your call. That may be uncomfortable, but it's easier than you think. 

Broadcast your life. 
Broadcast who you are. Broadcast what happened to you. Broadcast where you want to be. Be specific. 

The moment you turn into your pain and let it be known, you begin to heal — and the pain wears off. The weight lifts. You will have clarity and others will see you clearly as well. The part "we" I think need to work on though, is the witnessing part. Try and remember, people are always doing their best. 

But you're not meant to be here stuck on the ground, or in a pit, even if you're waiting on the witnessing. I know how that is, for me it was two decades before I received what I needed.

That's no reason to give up -- get louder instead.

Alright? 

Already we'll all float on...

-B