How to Hold Reverence for Yourself

Newsflash: “Treat others how you want to be treated” usually doesn’t work. Even, “treat others how they want to be treated” doesn’t always work. Why? It’s just psychology — we might treat others how we want to be treated, and they will still disrespect you, they’ll still abuse you, they’ll even make money off of you if the opportunity is still there. And then you might try treating others how they want to be treated, but it is so against their understanding of what their standards are or could be, that they reject your caring or considerate treatment. Their mind likely isn’t aware of or open to a better life reality — so they take advantage of your kindness, they project onto you because your kindness makes it appear as if you’re available for that (we know you’re not). A better approach to interacting with others, to showing up for yourself? Let the truth resound in your life to “let it be”. 

Let things be as they are. When it comes to speaking up, pointing out the elephant in the room that no one wants to deal with, but needs to be acknowledged and processed — the best thing you can do as the one who endured the negative experience, is to point out things as they are, and then give people a moment to come alongside you. I write about this concept of “throwing off the weight” in my blog post, “I Decided To Join The Cloud” where, when it comes to trauma, injustice and abuse, it takes a community of witnesses to help just one person from drowning in the mental fog and fatigue that comes from the experience. It’s the whole concept of “many hands make light work” but regarding trauma, “many eyes”  (maybe hands too, don't underestimate the power of massage; acupuncture; or a trip to a head spa!). The more eyes you get on your experience and story, of those who will also hold reverence for you regarding the experience, the quicker you will ascend past the negative effects of it. The urgency you feel from the chaos gets met by a sea of witnesses in calm — the magic? It’s like a giant energetic scale getting balanced out, where the only thing you have to do? Keep showing up and allow yourself to receive. 

In letting things be as they are, you’re essentially saying, “Look, this happened — I’m suffering because of it, please help me move forward.” Coming from someone who was traumatized at 9 years old, oblivious to the multi-dimensional complexity of damage that was done from a mere 2-hours of time; speaking up to find the validation necessary to “ascend” past the experience, inviting others to respect you because of it, is not just smart, it’s your lifeline. So instead of focusing on how you’re treating others to create the world you want to live in, focus on how you treat yourself, on how you respect yourself despite what you’ve experienced — that’s where others will (and some won’t) join you. 

If you just ask yourself, “Does holding onto this experience alone strengthen or weaken me? Does it cause ANTS (automatic negative thoughts, as coined by Doc Amen)? Does it cause me to steer away from the things I love?” The first step to letting something go and moving on, is simply naming it for what it is. I know for me, were I to see others go through what I’ve experienced, my immediate response is, “No — that’s not right” and my respect for them doesn’t diminish, it increases. 

The tricky part in all of this though? You have to learn to ride on the success of overcoming the experience, not surviving it. It’s the approach you make regarding the unexpected obstacle, where the difference lies directly in the meaning of these words, “overcome” vrs. “survive”. Obstacles in life are going to happen, are you someone focused and determined on overcoming whatever obstacle that may be? Or are you someone that is just trying to survive what gets thrown at you? You get to choose which person you want to be and the one the world gets to experience. And while it’s no secret, this is what’s often overlooked: it’s easier to find the people that will come alongside you when you name it for what it is. If you were a kid like myself, you probably didn’t have the vocabulary back then — that’s not something to criticize yourself over, it’s something to accept. Because from right now, the moment you label “it” for what it is, that’s also what everyone else will see. If you respect yourself despite it, they will too. Those who don’t? Proceed with caution.

-B