Ein Wort: “Nein”

Don’t worry, I’m not going to type this out in German for you to translate. While being part German, I don’t know the language. The most German I ever learned was through studying German repertoire in my undergrad years, both in choir and for voice as my primary instrument. Singing in another language is something I think every singer should try, especially as a soloist. Once you get the pronunciations down, the melody pours out smooth, because you don’t know what you’re saying. Unless you really study and memorize the translations to remember the meaning of each line — this wasn’t something I was ever capable of — the freedom comes from the place of doing your best at something new. Or maybe that’s just what happens to recovering traumatized brains — the degree of separation is what enables you to flourish. 

But I’m not really here to talk about singing in German, as much as I loved singing songs by Mendelssohn, Schubert, and Clara Schumann, I’m here to talk about ein wort: “nein”. 

That is, one word: “no”.

And to talk about it at systemic and global scale, because the word “no” is too often manipulated to mean: “no, but…” “no, well they didn’t mean…” “no…” excused abused, excused neglect, excuse, excuse, excuse. We all know what was recently released and can see the damage of failing to enforce the full meaning of the word, “no”. Now, it’s time to be brave and fully enforce, “no, means?” It means “no.” But what does that look like, now that so many of us are confused and disoriented from damage?

It means every responsibility that is being put on you by manipulation is not yours — so drop the weight. Just drop it. 

It means the checkboxes and dotted i’s and t’s that others want you to help mark off, so they can cover up the damage and mistake, isn’t your responsibility. What happened to you was unprovoked, uncalled for, and undeserved — so “no” looks like, “return to sender”. “No” looks like serving the abuser the consequence of their actions. Doing this might feel foreign at first, you might feel like you’re being too harsh or cold — but it’s not. It’s extending an opportunity for the abuser/s to learn, transform and grow. They don’t have to like it — see how doing this speaks their language?

Why this is so important to exercise in your world, is so that it echoes in the external. You want to know why other countries in the world don’t struggle with things like homelessness, a faulty criminal justice system or war? They understand the meaning of the word, and more importantly, exercise it. “Nein” is the start of definition — the more we tolerate abuse systemically, the more we lose our definition. So if you still don’t know how to use it in your native tongue, try speaking it in a different language to ease into it.

-B