Dear Jane

Dear Jane, 

Jane —

I am proud of you for leaving the school.

I am proud of you for hiring an attorney. 

I am proud of you for speaking up. 

What you experienced was sadistic and horrific. What you experienced was robbery of your autonomy, free-will, body, and soul. Robbery of your college experience and start to adult-hood. Robbery of your femininity. Robbery of the friendships and relationships and connections had you of attained through that university. 

And whether or not this makes sense right now, praise God that you are no longer associated with a school that regulates and tolerates gang r*pe.  

Praise God, that you are separated from a community, business and society that chooses to endorse crime and evil over education and accountability. 

Praise God, that you are not like them, and that you now have the opportunity to find better relationships and connections. 

Here’s what I hope you know — your worth is not the equivalent of your experience. And if it is — you are the one here, that is standing in power and truth. You are the one here with blessings on their way. You are the one who holds the most value as an individual, a woman, a human. 

Because the one’s among us in this world, that are targeted by evil like you were, are walking examples of Jesus on the earth. Walking examples of holiness, righteousness, and steadfast love. It’s the law of attraction — opposites attract. Only He was designed to carry the weight of your experience, and yet you experienced it. And while only He was designed to carry it, it is your responsibility to let it all go. Free yourself from what holding onto it in anger will do to you and your life. 

Say no, to allowing it to determine where you end up in life. Say no to the grip that is so tempting to allow on your nervous system. Say no, now. Say no to the alternative life that would carry you down a dark path of isolation, wandering and self-betrayal. Say no, right now. 

In early October 2024, I was finally able to come to light and terms that I’d been drugged and r*ped in my sleep the year prior, in September. My body since then, has suffered adjustment disorder with anxiety, sleep disturbances, the symptoms of three viruses which I have thankfully completely fought off — even an “incurable” one — that one I commanded out of my body. I’ve had hair loss from the stress, for awhile I was allergic to latex, my confidence in self was annihilated. But somehow I kept showing up for life. My life. 

Wherever this letter finds you today, next week, next month — I hope it finds you — know this: you have continued to show up every single day. Your voice, somewhere within your heart, subconscious and soul is saying, “it will be better, I will overcome this, I will one day be glad, filled with joy, once again.” 

But what you experienced has been calling your body into extreme, deep rest. 

So rest. Allow your body to grieve and breathe. Allow your mind to regain peace. Everything you can do, create, and build will be more enjoyable for you anyways, after your body has processed the evil and trauma all out. You are not missing out on life by taking care of yourself. 

But also — the world can wait. 

-B