Dear Brother

Dear Brother, 

If you were to take your pick, who do want to be: Spider-Man, Captain America, IronMan, Mr. Incredible, Superman? Someone else? (Please don’t pick Syndrome or the Bowler Hat Guy.. or Thanos). I grew up playing the original Nintendo, PS2 and Wii games. And prior to that, home computer games on floppy disks (YES), discs, and online games. I remember this one level in the Superman PS2 game though, that was impossible to pass. I never got past it. It was the level where Superman has to stop an entire dam from breaking and destroying a city below it, and the trick was to get from point A to point B in a matter of seconds to keep the dam from breaking. Honestly it felt like a glitch in the game — there was just never enough time on the clock no matter how fast you flew. 

And that’s why I’m writing to you. Because everything we do needs to be out of a love for the game — not a love of tragic salvation. I’ve seen some men who get addicted to that, but that’s just not what we — your sister, your wife, your mom, your friend — want from you. If it’s for love of the game, getting the can of soup from the top shelf in the pantry, great. But if it’s out of dependency to fulfill your worth as a man, as a human being, that’s harmful to us both. Cause sometimes? The dam breaks. You just gotta accept that it broke so we can all move on together. 

Life is exceedingly stressful, when we put too much pressure on ourselves. A healthy stress or pressure should help you reach to a new level of self — not destroy your identity or self-worth. 

But I’m also writing to you because I help people recognize themselves, feel emotion, and sometimes those feelings lead you to the aisle of "must-be” assumptions or possibilities. As plain as I can say this: I’m glad I can help you do this through my writing, through my music. But those feelings are yours. They actually have nothing to do with me other than I was the one who helped you recognize them. Same goes for any other encounter/conversation/connection with other women. Your feelings do not equate to a title, ownership or dominance of a woman or another human being — ever. But most of you know this. 

What I’m getting at is this: I’m asking for your help. Be an example in this world of being a good brother, a steward, friend, teacher, or colleague, or partner. Because we live in a world where as for the males who aren’t true men, they believe that their feelings entitle them to ownership over women. They believe that because they are angry, that gives them the right to destroy a woman’s life, or her very existence. They believe that they have the right to taking advantage of a woman in her most vulnerable state, ensuring she won’t have a way to escape their dominance over her. 

And while I know this isn’t news to you — your choices, actions and demeanor all matter. They all make an impact in the world we live. To remain passive, dismissive and nonchalant about a colleague, friend, or sister who had her autonomy and dignity robbed from her, limits you. Frankly, it’s an opportunity to show up as a true man. And unfortunately, our world has had too many opportunities that have not been properly met. The scales are not balanced and this is an abomination to God. 

A woman had a protection order out against her partner for fear of her life, she’s attacked by him, while pregnant, and accidentally kills him in self defense. She’s left with 2-years probation and involuntary manslaughter on her record. Everyone knew she’d been abused and was scared for her life, but they are still choosing to guilt her for saving her and her child’s life. 

This is a failure.

A woman’s husband kills their 3 children, and then attempts to kill her, 4 different ways, but she survives his scheme to frame her for all of it. She’s left crippled and then tortured, reliving the trauma through a court-experience that should have never occurred. 

This is a failure. 

A woman reports she was drugged and assaulted at a vacation rental home and it takes the police department 11 months to file the report correctly, due to a lack of initial questioning. The woman gives her victim statement and then is met with a rejection letter of “There’s just no hard evidence, although yea, we understand you have 3 viruses now, but we can’t take your word that you’ve never done drugs. We understand this guy is most likely a r*pist walking free but we just can’t do anything about it”. That's not verbatim, just the general sense of the response given. 

Another failure. 

What we allow will always continue, and frankly — I don’t feel there are enough men angry enough to change the reality we live in. And that’s to say, it’s a healthy anger. Anger that comes from God’s own heart. That means — you don’t get overwhelmed by it. You are moved to take action and implement positive change, because of it. 

If we want these viruses in our nation and our world to stop, we have to flip the process on its head. Things have not progressed. We have to be real about that. We have to be real about the fact that “it’s a man’s world” comes from biblical truth and that I believe I speak for all women (and righteously angry men) when I say this:

Stop allowing r*pists to roam free till proven guilty. Multiple claims and reliable suspicion is enough to flag someone and add them to a registry.

Stop allowing people ownership of weaponry that are not mentally fit to be responsible for that weaponry.

Stop allowing officers unfit to keep the peace, remain in uniform, terrorizing innocent civilians. If firefighters and EMT’s can keep their cool, there is no reason police officers can’t. 

Stop regulating gang r*pe, school shootings and trafficking. 

That’s the candy in the equation that keeps the cancer growing.

Find a better way. Be the better way. 

If you allow yourself to lose containment within your body because of your own emotions — you won’t be the better way. I’m not saying to avoid or suppress any of them — I’m saying, feel your emotions fully, so you can step into being the superhero, the man you want to be. 

Greatness comes from being fully present and in tune with your own self.

Superman doesn’t fly with his arms crossed. (He also knew how to fly safely with a cape.

To any brother, uncle, colleague, mentor that's held space for me, I am so incredibly blessed and grateful for you. 

Thank you. 

-B

BTW — my grandma cured my grandfather’s prostate cancer naturally. Diet, prayer, care, devotional love, and belief. That’s it. He had battled for 7 years with treatments, until they found out there were trace amounts of mustard gas in some of the prescriptions he was given. That of course killed the cancer, but it weakened him more.

After I contracted HSV-2 from the man who attacked me in my sleep, I commanded the virus out of my body. I am cured of it.  I never picked up the prescription — the “sugar” that would have enabled it to remain. I didn’t once entertain it. Stop enabling these things, and they stop. Command them out, and they leave. It’s that simple. If you're feeling pressure -- you shouldn't. Align yourself with the heart of God and you'll have peace to show up for the change our world needs.