Authenticity is Your Greatest Virtue

Have you ever found yourself flustered about making a decision? But you’re not flustered because you’re indecisive, or the options are too good to compare. No — You’re flustered because you already had decided what you were doing but then you considered another option based off of one element or tool you had available that could be used for both options.

Let me explain.

I found myself a couple of Halloweens ago, trying to decide what on earth I'd dress up as. Having grown up in a purity culture environment and mindset, Halloween never got the excitement it might of deserved. We (my siblings and I) always had fun dressing up, but there was always an element of perceived judgement if your costume was erring on the side of “scandalous” - especially at the church harvest festival. It was heavily encouraged to pick “wholesome” costumes.. to meet the standards of purity culture. 

The thing about Halloween is, it's the perfect day to be something you're not, to try something new, with acceptance (usually). It's also the perfect day to hide behind a mask, if you have a lot of insecurity or if you have social anxiety. You get to choose then, how you want to play the day. Meet the expectations of others, or do want you want whether that's hiding behind a mask or trying something new for yourself. 

So before Halloween 2023, I bought this tank top. Satin olive green, open back with purposefully lopsided criss-cross straps. It’s really the perfect date-night top. But when I bought it, I thought of Tinkerbell. Not even in regard to Halloween, you see the top and envisioning it on a blonde — you think of Tink. 

A few days before Halloween though, having the top ready to go with a white skirt, and sparkly flats, I started second guessing myself. I thought, “That’s lame though, I should get an ACTUAL costume…or I could just go as "Modern" Tinkerbell?? Or maybe I should wear this blue dress instead and wear the flats and I could do Cinderella?"

This was just the start of complicating things for myself. 

On the Saturday before Halloween I had a work party to attend in the middle of the day. I took a trip to the thrift store to try and find either a Tinkerbell costume or some pieces to create a DIY costume with the green onesie tank in my closet. Meanwhile, I had a Facebook Marketplace conversation going about an actual Tinkerbell costume; but I also had my plunging light blue sequined bodycon in my closet, and the champagne bejeweled slippers… And here I went again:

"I could be Modern Cinderella?(!)

But I don’t want to be Cinderella. 

But it would be so easy. 

I don’t want to be Cinderella. 

I came here to be Tinkerbell.

But that blue dress would make a perfect Modern Cinderella…

No. 

I just want to be Tinkerbell."

The items I ended up leaving with, which I had found within the first 5 minutes of walking into the store, didn’t make it into my car and up into my flat for a whole hour, because I was tempting myself with options that I didn’t really want.  

If I was hung up on being an “official" Tink but was okay to work with a DIY Tink— why didn’t I care to be an “official" Cinderelly? Why was being a DIY Cinderella “no big deal”? 

Because I didn’t want to be Cinderella. 

I didn’t care for it (at least that year).

I really just wanted to be Tinkerbell. Even if it meant going with a torn wing. 

All the while, my mind/spirit/soul/what have you, was saying “Tinkerbell” — and I wasn’t fully committed yet. I wasn’t listening clearly enough. Or rather, wasn't approaching myself with reverence for my desires.

And here’s the thing about Tink: 

She only really gets upset and flustered, when no one is listening to her. 

And when she is not getting what she wants. 

That may sound childish — especially with the way it’s read off a page — but it’s the truth.

And truth is the path to life, but when you are the scapegoated kid, your entire world, psyche and cognitive functioning is built on the lie that, you were made to fulfill others needs, and never your own. 

The thing is though, you know it's a lie, you've always known it's a lie, and that's why speaking the truth about it for years and feeling like no one is listening to you makes so much sense. 

They already know. 

It's just you that has to wake up to it and take it seriously, and stop living into the lie. To everyone else, it's just commonsense, to you, the scapegoated kid, it's been the bane of your existence — trying to figure it all out — like sticking to your intuition and dressing up as Tink from the moment you laid eyes on the green top... It's just what makes sense. 

It's when you finally say, “F*ck it!” — that you'll step into your magic.  

What's next is force of magnetism and energy shifts the world, where everything you'd always been wanting comes flying at you. 

I'm talking the right people, the right opportunities and experiences all coming into alignment, to support you when you finally step out "alone". 

You step out into the unknown — a solo action you must take — to then find your true community, friends, and family. You do this, to fully embrace your person and let them live in this world freely. 

You allow your life to be molded around one thing: you + your truth. 

Everything that doesn't align with that truth, will fall to the wayside. 

When it comes to Tinkerbell: a non-verbal, magical creature, whose life depended on others believing in her magic…

She never stopped communicating what she wanted (and DIDN’T want). 

She never hid her magic, even when it was irritating to others.

Find the people that believe in the magic.

In your magic. That comes out when you're authentic. No masks, no people-pleasing, no making yourself smaller. 

As easy as it would have been to just cave and be Cinderella two years ago — I brought my most authentic self — the real magic of who I am, as Tinkerbell.

All because: I wanted to be who I wanted to be.

So don’t stop. Don’t stop communicating who you are. Don’t stop making yourself known.

When you stop, you struggle to find what’s in store for you. 

And I gotta tell ya — 

It’s really, freaking, beautiful. 

You’ll be left speechless with a thousand things to say. 

Whoever it is you want to be, find them and let them live. Maybe you're a sexy mouse, sexy shark, or sexy corn. Whichever way you want to be, it's just about finding them and letting them live. 

Find them again. And again. As much and as many times as you have to; to keep glowing in the dark like a fairy with her pixie dust. 

And if you need some help finding that magic, I'm here to help. Amplify Your Voice is my 40-day program to help you pinpoint where you suppress your voice and learn who to protect, nurture and amplify it (ahem.. this is where your authenticity and magic is!) Don't hesitate if this sounds like what you need.

Either way, I believe in you.

-B

(Or Tink, today)